Twilight: What a Load of Crap
I knew it was a young adult novel when I picked it up but, boy, did I not expect the amount of bullshit the author managed to cram into one book. And, I didn't even read the entire book!
I read the first 20 pages, hoping it was going to turn into something interesting, skimmed through the next 100, read a few more pages to see if it had become readable, skimmed through the rest and then read the last 10 pages.
Even with the cursory run through, I couldn't miss the bad writing.
*spoilers ahead. just in case you're thinking of reading it. which i highly recommend not doing.*
So, the premise of this novel is young girl moves to dad the sheriff's small town, meets a drop dead gorgeous vampire and promptly fall in love with him. Vampire (who has sworn off humans, sorta like a vegan vampire but instead of eating veggies, drinks the blood of animals instead) tries to control his feelings for the girl but can't help himself and now they're a couple. He keeps saving her life because, apparently, she's very very clumsy and attracts trouble wherever she goes. Lots of really bad conversation in between. And nonsensical ramblings of the girl's mind (yes, you are subjected to her thoughts as it's written in first person). Something happens (I think it was a bad vampire or something) and girl almost dies but gets rescued by, guess who, the gorgeous vampire. I think it ends with vampire still trying to tell girl to forget about him but girl insists she will love him forever and makes him promise to not ever leave her. But it doesn't end there. Because there are THREE more books after this and the author just keeps churning them out.
So, having read (well, at least tried to) this book, it boggles my mind that the series has become a runaway hit. So much so, that they've even made a movie out of it. Utterly bizarre. Apparently, it's the vampire version of Harry Potter (which I liked, btw), with rabid fans galore.
What's even more bizarre is the idea that a 90-year old vampire would fall in love (and risk everything for) a clumsy, ordinary (in her eyes anyway) 17-year old girl. I mean, having lived that long, wouldn't you find it utterly boring to converse with an inane (no, she's not even smart) teenager?
Clearly, I am not the target audience.
33 comments:
Obviously you were extremly biased before you even read this book. If it has such a massive fanbase all over the world, there is clearly a reason people like it so much. Maybe if you had spent less time criticizing the book and actually read it instead of just skimming (how you think you could truly understand anything you read by skimming is beyond me) you would have seen why so many people love this series so much.
I cant help but wonder about your statement ' If it has such a massive fanbase all over the world, there is clearly a reason people like it so much.'
A good fan base doesnt necessarily make it a good book though does it?
But anyway..i wanted to post..i wanna go to NZ!!!!!!
k
to anonymous,
i wasn't biased at all before i read it. i read and LIKED harry potter so i'm not highbrow at all.
the reason i skimmed the book was i couldn't bear reading it any longer. IT WAS THAT BAD.
so, if you're one of the people who love this book, good on you. but you won't convince me otherwise.
k,
i agree with you about having a massive fan base not necessarily meaning it's a good book. the da vinci code was crap but sold millions!
Yes it's got over the top hype over here and nearly everyone I know has read/is reading it. Loved it too but then again they're the Nicholas Sparks type of people (yes I'm judging in case anyone wants to know).
I wasn't even CONSIDERING reading it. Wrote it off as crap soon as I saw banners and streamers and window displays of it. Doesn't seem to be my kind of book.
Thanks for confirming my suspicions.
- your sister
I imagine this review is better written hihihi
http://www.amazon.ca/review/R3B2MA5NN8S6W6/ref=cm_cr_pr_viewpnt/701-4248237-9495539#R3B2MA5NN8S6W6
- your sister again hehe
from a 'googler' passing through:
I was looking around for reviews of the book 'twilight', and I found your page. I am so relieved that someone has intelligently warned one and all about this book. The minute you said Nicholas Sparks fans would also like this book I said, okay, that means I'll HATE this book. Also, the reference to the DBrown book made me think, I'll trust you on this, a complete stranger, and not make the mistake of buying this book for a teen niece. I'll get her Austen instead. Maybe Blume.
Is Stephenie Meyer a 12-year old girl? She writes as if she is.
Harry Potter was well-written and thought out. This book was absolute crap
to the anonymous googler (who probably won't be back to read this comment),
i LOVE austen. hope you got her for your niece.
and for a bit of silly literary fun, try jasper fforde's tuesday next series.
I really don't want to read this book. I am biased, I'll admit, but you, and a brief extract from a friend's book, confirmed my suspicions that it's terrible. I'll stick to Jane Austen, Jason Fforde, Marian Keyes and all the authors out there who actually CAN write.
Many thanks for your great review,
Samm
I never even bother to read the book. But saw the movie yesterday. I never review of much of anything online but about this, I had to. What a load of crap.... I agree that why would a vampire love such a simple girl?... first of all, his infatuation with her seems simply about drinking her blood, I can't see how there is much romanticism in the story between them.
Second.. vampires glisten? wtf? and drink animal blood? its obvious the author re-created the complete vampire kind. ...may I add..volvos? lol..
what happend to the seductive vampire who looking down on mortals? the classier vampire who's kryptonite is daylight?
This book/movie was just another teenie-love story, with a slight vampire---ish, undertone.
Ughhh I agree with you there :/
I own all the books of Twilight, and about three months ago i thought it was the best. But upon watching the movie, I can now see all the cheesy, plastic lines that make me cringe. I mean, who can't hate Bella in the book, she seems too needy and bitchy to me. And, i'm not a big fan of old names, they're unique, yep, but my Dad is called Edward, so he didnt really seem hot to me in the book... weird. I reallyyy don't like the cast in the movie, and i can't help but talk about how Desperate Housewife Stephanie Meyers tried and failed to Make Ed Cullen more interesting then he actually is;
'It’s wrong. It’s not safe. I’m dangerous, Bella — please, grasp that.' CHEEESYY, Yep, you try + make him sound dangerous, but please, I've read more books with the nerdy lil' sidekick who's more of a bad-boy than him, I mean honestly, It's soOo cornyy, and Bella in the book is veryy pathetic and needy for the Vamps ALL the time. She just can't stay away... "/
twighlight is a bunch of crap the girl becomes a vampire at the end and her child gets with the wolf guy. All of that would've fit in one book. The author milked this crap for all it is worth obviously. The fact, like you said, that an old as vampire that looks 17 is attracted to this one little girl is ridiculous.
Well, to tell you the truth, it's one of the worst books i've ever tried to read. Well, i did get through the first book. Ohhh man, what a bunch of crap. And the fanbase is full of 16-year-old girls who can't truly understand the real world. Makes me sad, really.
Got to agree with you, it is a steaming pile of crap.
Call me crazy but I'm gonna stick with vampires that get their heads chopped off by Wesley Snipes : )
P.S. to the poster whose argument is that it must be good cos it's so popular...well so is Heroin
Big fan base = good thing? erm...NO?!
there are a lot of McDonald's restaurants all over the world, the most popular restaurant on the planet, but is it good, healthy food? NO?!
thus your arguments are weightless.
the book is filled with crap, badly written...it has been created with a sole purpose of attracting 8-15 year old girls and girly emo boys...
nothing serious about it, its just another time killing book...a bad one...
i didn't like harry potter either...but this is worse
It has a big fan base... of teenage girls. One popular girl somewhere read and liked Twilight, and all the other lemmings hopped on board and hyped it up. The story is recycled crap from Anne Rice which is recycled crap from tv's forgotten 'Forever Knight', which was recycled crap from Brahm Stoker. I don't have a problem with Anne Rice or Brahm Stoker, because they can write in a fashion that piques and keeps the readers interest. The only interesting thing about Twilight is that it reminds me exactly why I don't try to date teenage girls any more. Even though they have, on the average, gorgeous bodies, they are so stupendously retarded that they make culture excretus like 'The Craft' and 'Twilight' into multi-million dollar cash cows.
Hey Vanilla girl.
I was stupid enough to look in several shops and ring around several more to find my girl friend the 4th installment of this crappy series of books.
I havent bothered to read the books but i was made to watch the film once, although thankfully i fell asleep.(which pissed her off lol)
This whole series seems to be nothing more than an american high school love story except to make it stand out there VAMPIRES!
My partner is 22 and should grow up and not read this toss which is basically soft porn for teenage girls.
Rudeboysq UK
i first heard about twilight through a family friend. another one of my friends and i were listening to her tell us teh plot of twilight, since i didnt really care whether i knew teh plot or not, because i thought that i woudln't read it anyways. my twilight fan family friend was about to go on about teh 2nd book when i interrupted her and said "is it about werewolves?". she was really shocked. i hadnt even heard of twilight back then, let alone vampire fiction. i was a goody 2 shoes 13 year old.
for some reason or another, i decided to try twilight, because everyone was saying it sooo good. somehow or another i got trhough all 4 book and watched teh movie, all with teh same result - "why did i bother? that was crap"
and to all you fangirls/boys out there who say its original, and edward is the perfect boyfriend: meyer is a pathetic writer who regurtitates thesauruses, and edward is an abusive, stalkerish pedophile. so if you want to be edward's gf, go find yourself a 107 year stalker in a body suit
Y'know, I love you. I really do. Here, have a virtual cookie for your sheer awesomeness.
Yours Truly,
A Fellow Follower
Okay, I read twilight (yes ALL four =\) and I have to say I don't even know what to say. it is unlike any other popular series ever. harry potter, the da vinci code, everything else I have read that is massively popular can not hold a candle to this book.
What I mean to say is, twilight is the most PATHETIC excuse for a popular book series I have read in my life!
and don't call me biased, I read the book. I gave it a chance. I reazd FOUR of them in the hope thaT I could find SOME kind of good thing about it. I couldn't. I watched the movie. SHIT.
so it has a "hot" guy in it. So it's a romance. it is still craptacular.
I also DETEST bella and Edward as characters. I hate bella because: people TRY to be nice to her, but she is to stupid, pathetic and needy, longing after her boyfriend who left (this reference to 2nd book) to be nice to anyone. she is selfish and ungreatful, people offereing her support and she thinks it's all about her, she is a pessimist and, yes I agree with you, a bitch.
I hate edward because: he only became interested in bella to start with because of the fact that he couldn't read her mind which is probably only because there was nothing to read, he is overprotective, not letting bella do exciting things she wants to do, and is biased against jacob and prejudiced to all werewolves.
there is NO WAY anyone can possibly relate to either Bella OR Edward, and the only reason anyone likes it is because they either think edward is hot, or even worse, they only like it because everyone else in the "cool' group does. for god's sake, get over twilight, it's not a gift from 5the gods and dont even bother to give Stephanie "i write like a hobo" meyer money by buying tacky over-priced twilight merchandise (eg. I kissed a vampire and I liked it, posters, bumper stickers)
this kind of over-rated nonsense makes me want to vomit, it is ridiculous. I am so glad there ARE people out there with half a brain who aren't eating this shit up as we speak, and for the record, age is no excuse, i'm 14.
Ive seen the film and its extremely crap thank you for talking sense unlike basically everyone else
I watched this movie because I was intrigued with all the hype. I thought it was going to be a very interesting story but boy was I wrong.
Let me start off by saying I have not read the books and after watching the movie I don't think I will be. I went in without a bias. I actually expected this to be good.
I am indian and watch indian movies as well. This to me seemed like a cheesy hindi movie story with vampires. Lot of people make fun of indian movies for the cheesiness but I can't believe that people would actually like this crap when it's is completely a hindi movie type of scenario except it has vampires. Don't get me wrong there are a ton of indian movies that are excellent, most of which the western audience is not familiar with. But Twilight definitely falls into the typical bollywood type of crap that gets churned out every year.
I agree, no man (or vampire) around for that long would become so emotionally attached to some typical teenager in like a month that he would vow to protect her forever (rolls eyes). Come on girls grow up. This is pathetic.
Also regards to its fanbase being so large. I feel its mostly prepubescent or young teenage girls whose brains are still growing and who'll believe every word fed to them from some guy who just wants to get in their pants.And maybe some older ladies who r delusional. Same girls, who probably would end up pregant in their teens, run away from their family for some dude they met off the net. A lot like the dialogue u'll find this sad excuse of a movie.
Twilight may not be a good book, but trust me it's one of the better written books targeted for the teen romance novels D: You should read a shoujo manga, not realy the same, but it makes twilight look good let me tell you that. Also the author is writing about something that many teen girls dream of happening, falling in love with a drop dead gorgeous guy who'll unwaveringly love you back :/ Fulfilling their dream= ka ching.
Btw HP imo HP is the same as twilight except with a slightly better plot and more believable fantasy world.
A year and a lifetime later, I've gone back to this post only to find out that there are a lot of comments that I haven't read (yeah, I don't have the email setup which tells me when there are comments in my blog).
My faith in humanity is restored with the comments to this post.
We're not all a bunch of idiots after all. There is hope yet. Thanks all.
I'm supprised you even bothered to skim thoughtout the book. The dialogue is terrible - a bunch of romance rotting cheese if you ask me... Is it because its a young adult novel creates it's cringe factor?I thought to try a rare instance, hoping the movie would be better than the book unfortunately that was yet to convince me. The main characters made me churn. The way they performed in this - absolutely no depth, no heart, no compassion a flat lined story with not much climax at all. Sorry fans but clearly cursed to like such a yawn factor book and movie.
Hey, I totally agree with you. Meyer totally screwed up the idea of the vampire. Vampires are meant to be these cruel, malicious monsters who only kill at night and burn in the sunlight (Dracula, Nosferactu). She turned them into these sparkling "out-of-work Abercrombie and Fitch models" (quoted from a newscaster, not sure about his name) who are every girl's dream. It confuses me.
I am a Male and i find the idea of such a girly freaking vampire appalling, The Twilight saga has destroyed all credibility with all other vamp-related books like "The House Of Night" which was/is possibly the greatest teen/vampire books put in creation at this time
I am not amused by Twilight or any of it's sequels. For a start, they destroyed the vampires, and made them, into complete and utter retards. Bella is a pathetic, whiny bitch who throws herself off a GODDAMN cliff so that she could become schizophrenic and hear boy-friends voice. The were-wolves ARE NOT were-wolves, one of the wolves fall in love with a new-born baby, and i HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT!!!!!
Also, it has metaphorically split the school in half! There are two girls at my school with the name Bella. One loves Jacob and one loves Edward. They are always in catfights, and me and some of my friends think that this is utterly retarded.
Some one should glue the vampires faces to their butts to show that they do indeed, SUCK. ASS.
And if anyone says I'm biased, I'll have you fuckers no I am a twelve year old girl who is utterly pissed by the piece of shit called Twilight.
Many people ask why so many people read her books. This is because because age 10-20 girls like the idea that the most attractive guy in the entire school likes a completely average girl. Many of them have not read any decent piece of literature so they are willing to compromise plot and character depth for *Edward*. Both the main characters in this book, Bella and Edward, have only two real emotions. It is also very anticlimatic as a series. This shows how shallow the fanbase for twilight is and that in 10 years very few people will remember how the series ended.
This is for the 90% of Twilight fans who thing but Edward is so hot is a good basis for your entire argument on why it is a good book reading. Plain and simple, it is not. Edward is a word. Edward exists on paper. Edward is not real. Edward is two-dimensional. Edward Sparkles.
Why did Stephenie Meyer kill a good thing? That good thing was the vampire. She turned blood sucking monsters into veggie eating queers. Another thing, how are the twilight "vampires" even vampires? They have none of the defining qualities of vampires.
I only have one last question. How the hell could vampires have sex they have no blood? I'm in med-school and plan on becoming a surgeon and I can expressly tell you that you cant reproduce without it. On top of that you need semen, which oh wait Edward once again lacks. Those are just a few of the problems with Stephenie Meyer's series that I could come up with in a few minutes five in the moring. I can guarentee I can think of more I just don't want to type any more and am very tired.
H
I read this book. I didnt know anything about it but my freind wanted to see the movie with her. so I read it, and my goodness what a load of tripe. Talk about cliche
I wondered if the sequels were any better but I found them to be worse. I almost gave up new moon but was encouraged to kepp on with it but was sorly dissappointed. Didnt even bother with eclipes as I could already guess what would happen. So I gave Stephanie Mayer one last chance of redemption and read breaking dawn. *spoiler if you can call it that* absolutly nothing intresting happend and it was just sex orientated. For heavens sake Mayer have some guts and kill off a few characters it may have made more exciting then timing how long it took my dog to chew it up and even he thought it was a waste of time, I was impressed I managed to stick with it till the bitter end. It sounds great the volurons or what ever against the collins and it all looks like evry ones going to die but then conveniently bella manages to save the day with her magic sheild power and blah blah blah. I think that the icing on this increasingly stale cake was bella and eddie's childs name Reneesme. These books just gave me the impression that they were a lazy way to make money. These are my own opinions I know that alot of people enjoy them but I take issue with people telling me there the best books ever written because thats a no. I you genuinly think that then 1. I'm amazed but 2. I'd wonder what sort of books you had read to be able to make that statement, try some Dickins or Jane Austin then see if twilight is better.
Just had to get that off my chest
That kind of crap in the past (not even that long ago) was considered just bad fan-fiction.
The kind of badly written stuff some superficial teenager with crazy hormones often made, and I'm sure they still do, nearly always also writing herself or himself into the story.
Usually they would luckily grow out of it and burn every trace of their writings in shame a few years later. Now instead they sell a ton and even make series of movies from that........ which makes me kinda worried about the future.
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